Oh no. I've been hacked!

If you had been recently following my Facebook feed you would no doubt be puzzled by some of my latest updates:

'...Hmm, what to do? Guess I'll log on to the internet and re-watch some cum shot compilations.'

'...Chlamydia, while indeed debilitating, isn't such a bad disease to be repeatedly infected with.'

'...I don't know why everyone else is denying it, but Asians are the worst type of people to share public transportation with.'

'...Hmm, sorry guys, some immature friend has logged into my account and updated my status. Just ignore it.'

The above status updates are just a few of the many that I - yes I - posted of late. All of them written by my own hand in a feat of master trickery to vent my true feelings without any social consequences. It feels great to finally get this stuff off my chest!

I have several more hacker attacks planned in the future, after the god damn elections.

The Hypocrisy in Bureaucracy

New Article up.

Check it out:

http://milliondollarcompany.com.au/articles/14/

Monkey See...

... Monkey desperately try to imitate but ends up failing miserably because it doesn't come from a place of authenticity.

Subsequently, in a search for self actualisation, Monkey frantically looks to a myriad of others to copy.

Plagiarising the habits of others, Monkey constructs an empty shell of a personality in a vain attempt to disguise the fragile truth of what Monkey really is.

Blinded by denial, Monkey continues to accumulate slithers of other personalities adding layer upon layer of traits seen in high regard by society, the media and Monkey's personal preference.

At first Monkey lives out the prime of its days using its social façade without any sort of profound self reflection. However, one day Monkey wakes up with the vague sense that its entire life has been a lie fuelled by vanity, superficiality and the pursuit of pleasure.

It dawns on Monkey that reality is, in fact, void of all meaning and what good the world can bring has been tainted by Monkey's selfish endeavour for individuality.

Frightened by the stark reflection of Monkey's true self, Monkey buries these feelings deep inside and falls even deeper into a blinding delusion. Monkey embraces its false identity and begins to create external enemies in opposition to Monkey's ideologies.

Monkey erupts in a flurry of war, violence and extreme prejudice. Monkey do.

However, the scratching truth in the back of Monkey's mind cannot be ignored. Monkey's destructive thought process begins to attack Monkey for a lifetime of denial and betrayal.

Internally, Monkey spirals into the dark abyss of Monkey's own corrupted and blackened soul.

Crippled with shame, guilt, and regret, Monkey dies old and alone wondering in the last moments of existence why Monkey denied the only thing Monkey ever truly had in the first place.

Awkward office conversations with people who are so different from me it could be said that they live in another world

I was in the break room today when I saw a woman who hadn't been in to work for a couple of weeks. I asked her where she had been and she told me that her Mother had passed away.

Then she said something about how it's just a product of the way life works and that death is very much apart of life but I couldn't hear what she was saying over the running tap.

I turned it off and she looked at me expectantly, I tried to search my brain for a profound retort. Something philosophically poignant that would give comfort to a person in mourning.

'Well-'

I started, knowing it was too late to stop.

'At least it's a good day.'

I concluded by nodding profoundly.  Her eyes darted away as if she had just caught two lovers in the act.

She then changed the subject.

I've never thanked her for that.

My Parents were Philistines

and still are to this day.

So don't blame me when I can't recite Bukowski or quote Hemingway of by heart or know Francis Ford Coppola's body of work. It's not my fault.

Believe me I tried to consume the arts in my childhood.


Every Friday night when I was a kid my Dad and my brother would bond in the living room while watching the Friday night football game and I'd be by myself in the back room re-watching Mission Impossible for the 20th time in a row (easily De Palma's best).

I remember my Dad coming home drunk after a stadium football game, bursting into my room and tearing the movie posters from my wall.

'This ain't real life kid! It's all make believe and the sooner you learn that the better!'

I dropped to my knees hugging the shreds with tears in my eyes.

'No! Daddy, it is real. One day Tom Cruise is going to repel down from the roof and take me away from this dreaded house and you'll all miss me, I swear it.'

'There ain't no such thing as Tom Cruise kid! There's no such thing!'

'Yes there is Daddy, you just have to close your eyes your real tight and wish with all you might and you look up and he's there!'

'Your a fool, kid! A damn fool to believe those things. How many times do I have to tell you? There is no such thing as Tom Cruise!'

And he was right.

Tom Cruise doesn't exist, and he never came and took me away.

I had to re-watch films like Mission Impossible, Dumb and Dumber, Terminator 2 over and over again each week. My hobby was never nurtured by my parents, who never introduced me unknown pieces of art like Mission Impossible II, Dumber and Dumber-er, or Terminator 3.


The best thing my parents did do was not pressure me into doing things I didn't want to do. Which ended up being, Rugby league, little athletics, basketball, swimming, scouts, and basically any other physical activity that required me to get up early on the weekends.

Who needs scientists when we have Mums?

Has anyone been noticing the headlines?

As of the past year or two there have been a huge wave of genius Mums that are inventing miracle cures, business ventures and health care products.

A la Erin Brockovich these Mums look at the facts, realise they just don't add up and then take it into their own hands to change their situation, whether the corporations like it or not!

I guess thousands of hours of scientific research just can't beat women's intuition.

If that isn't convincing enough for you, even though I'm sure it is, check out the comments left by real users on the website.

From the Teeth Whitening Page:

Sarah says:Monday, January 31, 2011

It's been a week since I started using these two together and I've been feeling a lot more confident. this is perfect. thanks.

Wendel says:Saturday, January 29, 2011

always down for stuff like this. props

Jennifer says:Saturday, January 29, 2011

My mom just e-mailed me this, a friend at work had told her about it. i guess it works really well

Amanda says:Saturday, January 29, 2011

Got my trials a few days ago, already seeing a difference. can't wait to see what the end result is

Nicole says:Friday, January 28, 2011

i do a lot of online shopping and I've can't believe they haven't caught onto this, fantastic story! tHAnks CNR!

Julie says:Friday, January 28, 2011

My brother did this a few months ago, I waited to order my trials to see if it really worked and then they stopped giving out the trials! what a dumb move that turned out to be. glad to see the trials are back again, I wont make the same mistake.

Damo says:Monday, January 24, 2011

I own a vineyard and my teeth might as well be dark purple at this point. just orded, hope this helps.

Michael says:Monday, January 24, 2011

this is a pretty cool article. I like the fact that it uses the internet!

There you go! 

The 100% positive feedback says it for itself. This is the real deal folks. I know what your thinking, the comments must be fake because usually the internet is full of negative haters who criticise everything, but with such real people names like Jennifer, Amanda, Nicole, Julie and Sarah how could anyone make that stuff up? 

Even Wendell checks out because his name implies that he's black and he uses the word 'props' in his comment which only adds to the authenticity. 

Although I didn't really like the subtle implication of Damo's comment. He pretty much stated that all Vineyard owners have stained teeth. I'm sure there are a lot of farmers who brush regularly and keep up on dental hygiene and therefore wouldn't require this product. 

Also, notice how a lot of the comments have spelling errors which is realistic in today's internet culture. Nicole even miss-capitalised 'tHanks' which implies she's just a real person make errors just like anyone else. 

If the comments were manufactured, why would they have errors?

They wouldn't. That's just the bottom line. 

We need to start electing stay at home Mums as head scientific researchers and Government officials. The Mums are the true leaders of the world and their talents are going to waste.