Sorry I missed your call on Sunday bro but I was watching a movie.
And also I just assumed that you were calling to say that you fell asleep or something on Friday night and woke up the next day with semen and feces in your pants from a wet gay anal sex dream that triggered an erotic sense memory in your bowels.
YOU might be able to use the above text if your friend ever bails on you when you say that you'll meet him in a bar and he doesn't show but it didn't matter anyway because some seventeen year old girls had snuck in at the same time and talked to you to try and blend in with the crowd but soon subsequently fell for you because they're seventeen and everything you know (like titles of Strokes albums) is cool to them.
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