My flatmate has lived with me for the past three months, he is large in stature, completely shaved head (due to onset of pattern baldness) and wears glasses. He is 34 years old.
To give you some insight into his character please read the following quotes that came out of his mouth verbatim. For effect, please read them in a moaning yet pretentious Canadian accent with a strong essence of self hatred. They are all true...
Josh (on drugs): You know what? I think that certain raw vegetables and natural super-foods can give you more of a high than most drugs.
Josh (on employment, after completing a bar course): I don’t want to be just a bartender. I want to be the best bartender in the world.
Josh (on women): For some reason whenever I go to a house party I always just end up with the phone number of the hottest girl there. I don’t even know how I do it, it’s like it just appears in my hand.
Josh (on a female stranger he looked at in a store): It was weird, as soon as we locked eyes, almost instinctively, like she couldn’t control it, her hand went right down to her crotch. Then when she noticed what she was doing she pulled it away and got all embarrassed.
Josh (on the gym): You know how there’s always the biggest guy in the gym? Well, today I looked around the gym and thought ‘wow, my arms are bigger than the biggest guy in the gyms.’
Josh (while I was drinking a beer out on the street): Can you please get rid of that beer man. There could be cops around.
Josh (on magic): I am very fond of magic, I like it a lot.
Please also note the following post scripts:
NB 1: So far Josh has not been hired at any bartending jobs he has applied for.
NB 2: Without any exaggeration, Josh once got the phone number of a woman who would be in the top two fattest woman in the club. He not only went on a date with this woman while he was sober but he actively pursued sexual intercourse.
NB 3: Josh repeated his appeal for me to throw away my beer can multiple times. He wouldn’t stop. In every request his eyes filled exponentially with tears. When I finished my beer, then I decided to discard the can.
The weird thing is that upon meeting him I thought he seemed cool, then after one or two of these small little moments my mind began to form an opinion that he may be a little bitch who talks bullshit. From then on I fought with myself to really try to like him and to try and see past the cringe worthy lines and the shitty attitude.
But late last month my little bitch flatmate came out drinking with me and my friend and lunged at me in pure fury and tried to physically attack me because I was drunkenly calling him on his shit.
Now, after the blow up I am moving out and I am so happy that I no longer have to pretend to like the guy. The lesson I have learnt is, JUDGE PEOPLE and PIGEON HOLE PEOPLE and BE EXCLUSIVE. Because ultimately they are probably not going to change and your inner angst against them will just manifest in destructive ways.
So if they tick a few boxes on your shit list, write those people off and do not surround yourself with them, don't waste your time trying to look past their personality failures and go on with your life focussing on people you actually like.
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